Visiting

Going away to visit someone is always a bittersweet event these days. Gone are the days when I'd jump into my own car, listen to my own music, and head off somewhere for lunch with a friend or an overnight visit. I really miss driving. Although it has become easier to sit back and relax while someone else is driving, there are times when I have to bite my tongue and resist "back seat" driving. It has been so hard to relinquish my control over the vehicle - my family hasn't nickname me "Miss Daisy" for nothing!

It surprises me that after all this time I sometimes feel such overwhelming sadness about the dramatic way vision loss has affected my sense of independence. Most days I am content with what sight I still have, and I'm happy to be able to take the bus somewhere on my own. But it is when I am waiting to be driven somewhere that I feel my loss of independence most keenly. I have spent a lot of time waiting...

IKEA

We had to go to IKEA on a Saturday, which meant that it was extremely crowded - not good planning. I have grown to hate any kind of crowd since my vision loss because people move unpredictably. I find myself in a constant state of anxiety when people dash in and out of my field of vision. This shopping experience was no exception. Stan is fiercely protective of me and my personal space but even this got to be too much for him. Toward the end of the shop we had to have two carts , so I pulled my shopping cart along beside me with my left hand which is what I found works best as it still allows me to use my white cane in my right hand, and I'm not bumping into things like I would if I simply pushed the cart like I used to. Even still, I bumped into a few things but it wasn't too bad. But as we prepared to leave, we rounded a corner and I panicked - there is a food court at IKEA's exit, and it was packed with shoppers. I stopped dead in my tracks and told Stan that I didn't think I could navigate that space. He said "sure you can" and pulled my cart in behind him. There was a log jam of shoppers right in the doorway. I could see a man's head beside me and I could tell that he desperately wanted by. I apologized (which is something I shouldn't do, but I can't help myself) but what he wanted was to get by so he could help Stan with our carts. He was wonderful! And his actions made up for all the people who had cut me off or entered my personal space. We talked about him off and on all the way home.